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73 Days

I’ve been trying to figure out how to put into words what has been happening in my heart for the last 73 days since our baby boy arrived.  During my pregnancy I told him, myself, and anyone who asked when I was due, that he would arrive early.  He would come before my due date just like Ethan did–and we would be ready.  And we were.  We got ready and then we waited weeks beyond what I had expected.  Even beyond his due date.  We waited while he continued growing and planning his entrance on his terms, his timing.  Early on in my pregnancy, we told Ethan he would be here for Halloween.  More as a marker in time for a 4 year old to understand, rather than a hard date.  But baby Rowan ran with the idea.  He decided to be a jokester and keep us up all night on October 30, 2011 and then make his arrival on Halloween morning.  

To say I’ve been falling in love with our baby boy seems an inadequate description of the emotion that has risen up and expanded through my chest countless times since I first held him.

They are fleeting moments in time and the emotion that swells up hits hard and fast.  These moments come in many forms.  Starting with the first time his eyes met mine.

And the first time hearing his wailing cry.  That first cry that tells you he is healthy and vibrant.

And seeing moments when baby and Daddy first met caught on camera.  The moments I missed during the medical chaos that ensues after labor.  Moments captured by an amazing auntie who stayed up all night and joined us for the delivery to joyfully welcome him.

One fleeting moment consisting of one smile that speaks a thousand words.

And the first time we held him together and both breathed a sigh of relief that, at last, he is here and he is perfectly ours.

The daily moments that catch my breath now are more routine and repetitive but still slay me to the core with their simplicity.  Simple joy.  Mostly coming in the forms of peaceful sleeping and smiles.  

Watching my children sleep has always made me feel like I’ve been swept away for a moment into a new world.  A world without fear, hurt, loss, or pain.  A world where peace exists simply.  Without effort.

And the smiles.  At first we had to watch carefully while he slept to catch one.  Now he doses them out daily.  And each one is like a little gift packaged perfectly in crisp wrapping paper and a shimmering bow.  Smiles that say he is happy to be here and happy that we’re here with him.  Each one humbles me and holds my heart captive in his grip for a moment.  Every smile, every time.

So to say I’ve been falling in love with this baby boy for the past 73 days is the best I can come up with in words to sum up my hearts emotions.  Or maybe it’s more like I’ve fallen in love a thousand times over.  I’m fully aware that I’m gushing.  And he is so worth it.

Behind the Camera » Life Inspired - [...] forever be thankful that Nick and I took the time to take newborn photos of Rowan (shown in the 73 Days post) when he was 10 days old.  They are truly a priceless treasure to [...]

Boots and Such.

Happy 2012!

There is much catch up to do since we were Waiting on Baby. Baby is here, and Baby is amazing…

But, for the moment, I just wanted to take a second to wish all of our family and friends a joyful and inspired New Year.

And also, to share my favorite gift given to me for Christmas.

I made a comment a while back about wishing I had some cowgirl boots for a favorite skirt of mine.  The thought didn’t stick with me because I never ended up searching for boots to fit the bill.  But Nick remembered.  He not only remembered…he searched high and low for boots he thought I would love.  He shopped for boots. For me. Without guidance.

Amazing.

I might compare this to throwing him towards a wolf pack.    Not. A. Chance.    Honestly, the chances of him finding the right style…fit…shape…color…heel… consider it Mission Impossible, really.  And yet, he came through.  BiG!   He remembered, he searched, he debated and questioned, he decided, he showed me LOVE.  And he nailed it too. I love the boots he chose: love the style, love the fit, love the shape, love the color, love the heel…….but really, it’s not about the boots.  It’s about the intention he showed.  The labor he went through to find the perfect, surprise gift.  He made me feel special and loved and there is no better way to go about giving.

For birthdays, Christmas, and other times of gift giving, I try to put in thought and effort to make the ones I love–the ones who love me—feel special.  And after being on the receiving end—I’m excited to put more intention into giving in the coming year.

All of this over some (awesome) boots.

Kimberly - What a man Nick is! I absolutely LOVE those boots. I’ve always wanted a pair like that myself.

Waiting on Baby

Last Thursday was our 37 week  pregnancy appointment—such a big milestone!  It marks what will soon be the end of carrying this baby in my belly and the start of carrying him in our arms!  We’d been anticipating finding out if I was anywhere close to being ready for delivery.  Sure enough, the Doc repeated word-for-word the same thing I was told when I was 37 weeks with Ethan… “You’re dilated 2 centimeters.”

Sweet!  When I had been told that with Ethan, I was holding him in my arms a day later!!  We got excited and anxious…packing bags and noticing every little baby movement and twinge of back pain.  Contractions?! I think so!  Would we really have another baby right at 37 weeks?!

Nope, he’s still hanging out in there 5 days later.  And I’m going crazy waiting for all of us to welcome him into our little world.

I needed something to take up some of my time and thought today.  I’ve been bumming a bit about having very few pregnancy pics this time around.  Nick and I decided to do an impromptu photo shoot in the orchards near our house.  Nick did such a great job.  Sometimes our camera stresses him a bit, but he was calm and fun and I think the photo above might be my favorite of us together ever!  We got some cute shots, I think some will make their way onto our walls.  I’m so glad we went for it, even if we felt like we were mostly practicing and playing!

Time will tell what this week will bring.  This waiting game is helping me be patient and enjoy what’s happening in this moment.  Enjoy your week and your daily doses of joy — whether they’re small or large!

admin - Don’t know how I missed your comment, but thank you my dear, loving, uplifting, priceless friend. Love you!

Jacinda - You look so beautiful! I know its been a long wait, but its been so great to have so much time together with you. Cant wait to have Baby R here. love you tons!!!!

Let’s Do This Together

Life has been moving lately.  Lots of unexpected little twists and challenges.  I’ve been thinking about the use and goals I have envisioned for this blog.  Thinking of how to use it to expand and grow my community of family I call friends and friends I call family.  Thinking of how to use it to maximize the time I’ll spend creating it and the time you’ll spend reading it.  I’m starting a new thread called, “Let’s Do This Together.”  If I’m facing a challenge, I tend to rationalize the reasons why and how I should be able to handle it myself.  I know there is a better way to face challenges than all on your own, and I need practice.  I want to see sharing my goals and fears, my successes and failures, as a strength.  If there’s an area where I’m feeling stretched…challenged…feeling that inner tug to make a change, I’m going to share it here with the idea that you also might be feeling something similar and we can face it together.  Supporting each other, cheering or crying with one another, always continuing to move forward.

The challenge I’m feeling right now is to improve the practice of inhabiting my days.  Finding the joys of today that really are right in front of me and not as elusive as I think them to be.  Realizing that the small things make up the big picture and then investing in those small things with reckless abandon.  I’m starting this journey today with a book, “Life Is a Verb: 37 Days to Wake Up, Be Mindful, and Live Intentionally” by Patti Digh.  I’ve read just the intro and first chapter and I’m breathing heavier with tears in the corners of my eyes; feeling the challenge of change that the words and questions in this book are provoking inside of me.  And today, I’m going with it; diving in, writing in the margins, being a participant instead of a bystander in my days, joining in on the conversation of my life.

Here’s the challenge for me and for you: Let’s Do This Together.  Through phone calls, emails, blog comments, facebook, whatever works.  I found this book on Amazon for $13.  Order it today or find it at a book store and then let me know that you did so we can start sharing our thoughts with each other.  Happy mid-week friends.

Kimberly - I want this book :) oh, and I’m proud of you.

Emily - This is great Heidi:) I’ll look into the book for sure

Valentine Delivery

Starting next year, Ethan will deliver Valentines to his classmates.  So we used the opportunity this year to deliver his Buzzing Valentines and Lollipop Cookies to all the real loves in his life.  We took a trek all around town delivering little bits of love, hugs, and smiles.


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IMG_7049In between deliveries, we passed this sign!IMG_7052
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IMG_7082I caught this pic of Miss V breaking in her daddy’s new shoes–soo adorable!Gram-Split
At the end of the day I was tired from all the crafting and driving and I thought about what I would have done with my day if we had not took the time to celebrate the loved ones in our lives.  I would have done a little laundry, cleaned up here and there, renewed our car registration, made dentist appointments, and crossed off a few other to-do’s.  Looking at all the pictures really hit home the reminder that it so much better to let the to do’s sit undone sometimes and instead, invest thought and time into the people who make your lives so full! How did you spend your V-day?  Did you date your sweetheart? your kids? your friends?  Whatever you did, I hope you spread some love and got some in return!

heatherabetner@yahoo.com - Loved loved seeing Ethan yesterday…the best surprise at work ever…a valentine from my fav nephew! xoxo

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